Girls only time

[steelweaver]

I've made some plans to meet up with Goddess in the nearish future. I originally intended for Twilight to come with me, but then I realised that Goddess assumed he would not be coming.

This made me think. I know people consider Twilight and me to be annoyingly lovey-dovey and inseparable. But I don't feel as though it's him personally who gets in the way of my social life. It's just my mindset, spending time with him is my default pastime on weekends, and it takes a bit to make me wrap my mind around the idea that I can do other things on weekends, without seeing him.

Part of this is that we live far enough apart that it is just not viable to see each other much, except for on weekends. Ergo, I feel bad about not spending the weekend with the wiser half, even though Twilight may be perfectly ok with me doing my own things.

I also went too far last fall, when I ended up not seeing him much for quite a while due to things I'd foolishly planned to go to, and which kept me busy for weeks. Twilight felt hurt by this, and he had every right to be. I'm more careful now, and he's more or less over it, but the memory of this still causes me to feel extremely guilty about doing other things when I could be with him.

The problem is, my social life happens mostly on weekends. There are no people in my class right now that I hang out with, and my only weekly returning event are swordfighting classes, which I enjoy immensely. I should go to the 'afterparty' with the sword peeps some time, but I know they go to a pub, where there will be lots of smoke, and I can't really afford going out right now. Consequently, it's mostly larp events and pre-event meetings, and Goddess calling every Monday. I live so frelling far away from everyone.

Last, but not least, I love the guy. He understands me, he is hyper when I'm not so I can calm him down, and he is calm when I'm stressed out, and helps me relax, and think coherent thoughts again. He understands my sense of humour, and we have this telepathy thing going on like you wouldn't believe (which is part of why we're sometimes no fun to be around...we laugh at the joke together without bothering to tell it to the other). Of course I want to spend time with him.

But I also occasionally need some girl time...I love talking to Goddess on the phone, and I really wish she lived closer by. I had great fun with Ignis when we were wandering around Arnhem, trying to find our way home. I had a very good friend once, but she was married off and is living an uber-traditional life as a housewife somewhere in Sweden now. I just re-established contact with Abstruse, who was a major part of my online life for a very long time, and I feel good about that. Friendship is a very beautiful thing. I feel like I haven't always really made an effort to reach out to world, out of fear it would reach back and rip my heart out. But I am starting to find out that what you give, does come back to you, if you give it wisely.

So I'm making it a day and a half with Twilight, and a day and a half with Goddess:)

Comments

[kaska.livejournal.com]

Hi, this may sound really dumb, but one of your friends who is listed as a friend on my lj gave you a huge rap.... so can i add you as a friend - she thinks highly of you - so that sort of means something to me
hmm.... yep - what i just wrote sounds really dumb ;p

[steelweaver.livejournal.com]

Uh ok, sure. Who's your friend?